Pot Luck

"Have you had any tickets returned for tonight's sold out performance?"
"I'm afraid we don't have any at present. We did get two back a little while ago, but they have been picked up. So that does show that we are getting returns occasionally, and it is worth checking back."
"WHAT!?"

What follows is a grown woman of some 70 years panting, and starting to sob as she throws a tantrum that could shake her new hips loose.

Human Tantrum: "Why can't you just call people when tickets come back!? This is SO unfair!"
Boxo: "We're not gong to do that. This show has been sold out for weeks. People have been calling us every 5-10 minutes of every day in that time. If we were to call everyone when tickets come back, we would have no time for anything else. If we had a waiting list, you would be approximately 600 names down that list."
Human Tantrum: "This has been so discouraging."
Boxo: "You're welcome to check back later. Have a lovely day."

This is not a lottery for a kidney transplant. It's an attempt to get tickets to see a show. A show that was on sale for 5 months before it even got busy, let alone sold out. A show that you could have booked for at any point in that time. A show that is on tour and will therefore be in several other locations in the coming months.

Do you want us to get your mum for you? In short, grow the fuck up.

*Update*

She was not done for the day. She did check back Several hours would pass before she phoned the box office, a time in which tickets came and went to the soothing sounds of the jackhammer being used to dig up the concrete outside the theatre entrance.

"Have there been any tickets returned for tonight?"
"There's none available at present, unfortunately."

I heard the unmistakable whine from the other end of the line, and my customer service voice began to fade. I heard something crashing to the floor on her end, as items were thrown in frustration.

Arch Nemesis: "You're telling me there's not one ticket!?"
Boxo: "We are completely sold out tonight."
Arch Nemesis: "You can't find just one ticket?"
Boxo: "There are no tickets available for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "I'm such a loyal customer to this theatre that...."
Boxo: "Well, it has been on sale for six months."
Arch Nemesis: "I know, but I cannot believe that you cannot find one ticket for a loyal customer."
Boxo: "After 6 months on sale, there are no tickets available for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "There must be one in one of the boxes!"
Boxo: "There are no tickets available for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "This has never been a problem before. I know you keep seats back...."
Boxo: "Every single seat in the auditorium has been sold for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "Well, could you put me through to the Front of House manager then."
Boxo: "The Front of House manager has no control over ticket sales."
Arch Nemesis: "I was put through to her once before and she...."
Boxo: "She has no control over tickets, and 100% of the seats have been sold for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "But...."
Boxo: "There are only so many ways I can tell you that this performance is sold out and I think I have used all of them."
Arch Nemesis: "So, you're not going to pass me through to the Front of House manager?"
Boxo: "There are no tickets available for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "Not one!?"
Boxo: "There are no tickets available for tonight's performance."
Arch Nemesis: "FINE!"

I think that, most of all, I will miss our chats. We'll always have this never-ending phone call.