Alright, this I can work with. The customer is smiling, sheepish and contrite. This is crucial. They've fucked up, and they know that anything I can do to unfuck this is a bonus. This is going to be a walk in the park.
I'm the real idiot.
Customer: "You see, I booked tickets for a show, not realising that's not on for another year. I know you have a completely different show on just now, so could I exchange them? I realise it's totally my fault."
Boxo: "I'm afraid not. Our present show is more or less sold out, and as it's a different production company we've been informed that we cannot exchange those tickets for this performance. We have a couple of tickets left for today, but you would need to pay for them."
Shit. What's that Baudelaire line from The Usual Suspects? The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Well, hark, the devil's come a callin'.
Customer: "You could help me, you're just choosing not to."
Boxo: "That's certainly not the case. Unfortunately, there's no refunds or exchanges allowed on tickets purchased for that show, and we are unable to exchange for shows between these differing companies regardless."
Customer: "Speak to your manager. Fix this right now."
Boxo: "I already have. I'm afraid there's nothing we can do in this instance."
Customer: "I want you to look at that young girl sitting over there. She's flown over from Malawi. She's only here for a few days, and you're telling me that you won't let her see this show?"
On a scale of one to "oh come the fuck on", this is pretty god damn high up on the Guilt Trip Scale. Way to pass the burden of your own fuck up. My level of patience for your bullshit just plummeted through the floor.
Customer: "I worked in a theatre. I know that you can help me, but you are just choosing not to."
Boxo: "Why would I do that? It's in my best interests to get this taken care of. I have no personal stake in your happiness. I would not benefit professionally, nor personally from refusing to help you."
Customer: "I'm sure the newspapers would LOVE to hear about this. Is that what you want? To be in the paper?"
Theatre in Expecting Basic Competence Shocker!
See pages 4-9 as the scandal of requiring people to have some semblance of common sense, and to take responsibility for their own actions develops.
Customer: "I want you to go to that poor little girl, I want you to look her in the eyes, and I want you to tell her that she can't come to this show. Are you OK with making a child cry? I want you to explain to her why her dreams are dashed."
Boxo: "I'm not going to do that. You'll have to explain to her that you have booked tickets for the wrong show."
End result of this is a story as old as time, the customer creating enough of a public scene that the management felt they had no choice but to bend the rules to breaking point. Customer gets what they want, perpetuating the cycle that encourages bad behaviour as a means to get your way.
At least the kid got to see the show. That part is the silver lining.
Boxo: "I'm not going to do that. You'll have to explain to her that you have booked tickets for the wrong show."
End result of this is a story as old as time, the customer creating enough of a public scene that the management felt they had no choice but to bend the rules to breaking point. Customer gets what they want, perpetuating the cycle that encourages bad behaviour as a means to get your way.
At least the kid got to see the show. That part is the silver lining.
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